• Master Dandy

Home coming food

Last week I got the amazing news that my partner Chris would finally be joining me permanently in our new home in less than two weeks. This news was like finding out all your numbers had come up on the lottery, It will have been 15 weeks since we last saw each other with the pandemic and to say I am elated is an understatement.

Over the last how many weeks of lock down, I have preoccupied myself with unboxing bits, a bit of decorating, a bit of sorting, a lot of baking, a lot of cooking as well as a lot of painting.

Truthfully I was becoming very despondent, as the weeks turned into two months It was really hard not been able to psychically see Chris, even though we talk on the phone several times a day, face time and text. It is no substitute for the real thing. With hundreds of miles between us, it wasn't even as if we could see each other outside or through the window.

The situation has been horrible for so many of us, not been able to see family, loved ones and friends. As restrictions are slowly been lifted, there is hope and an excited anticipation in the air. As well as a sense of anxiety and concern to whether we are coming to the edge of the forest to clear fields or just a clearing before venturing into more unclear territory.

Regardless of the current situation, the news has sent me into an utterly excited state of mind. Planning some surprises for his arrival, along with getting the house in tip top condition, (mainly tidying up, half unpacked boxes and stuffing things in cupboards/drawers out of sight, along with some thorough cleaning).

Today was spent baking and cooking again, this time trying out some new recipes in preparation for my man's arrival home. It is like I have been possessed by Mary Berry herself, but she had taken a shit load of acid before possessing me, Frantically testing all sorts of dishes, baking, doing housework and making the home ready as if the queen were coming to visit and he isn't even due till the 12th of June......(well is suppose its not totally inaccurate description on all counts except the Mary Berry on acid of course).

On the menu today, (all DAIRY FREE VERSIONS)

  1. 1.Double chocolate shortbread

  2. 2.Orange cake with orange buttercream filling and to finish orange & lemon drizzle topping

  3. 3.Wholesome Homemade corned beef pie

  4. 4.Mediterranean scones, filled with feta cheese, sun-dried tomatoes and olives


The double chocolate shortbread, was so easy to make and despite only needing 5 ingredients they taste sooooo good. With having an allergy to milk and not having all the exact ingredients I substituted the golden caster sugar for regular caster sugar and for the butter I substituted it for the dairy free Vitalite (there are other substitute butters you can use) The recipe is from below



I made a few changes to this recipe, partly down to not having certain ingredients and partly down to other ingredients not been suitable for my dietary requirements. (I tend to fiddle around with recipes a lot).

The link for this one is below too, It will take you to the toppings/fillings however there is a link for the sponge on the page. The sponge recipe I was able to follow to create the orange cake, again substituting the butter for the Dairy free Vitalite, milk for Soya milk and I also added a cap full of bold orange flavouring for an extra orangey hit.

I created a simple buttercream filling, using 150grams of icing sugar, 75grams of Vitalite a cap full of orange flavouring and 1 orange zest. The topping was created from 100grams of granulated sugar, 1 lemon zest and the juice of an orange, which I brought to the boil with 30mls of water and let cool before pouring on the top.

There is some left over which I can add when serving.



This is one of my favourites to make and with the sudden change in weather from glorious sunshine to cold and wet, It seemed highly appropriate to make. (I love wholesome food)

It's really easy to make, and even easier if you cheat like me and use a ready to roll short crust pastry.

Because I have stupidly forgotten brown onions on my last order, I had to substitute with red onions, hopefully Paul Hollywood won't be knocking on my door and telling me off.

Once I had cooked the filling I tend to blitz it, not sure why but I like the smoother texture the filling and it is oddly satisfying doing it.

Without a doubt you must try this recipe, Admittedly the last few I have made there has been some rather rude designs popped on the top, but this one is as pretty as a picture with its simple air holes. (Not sure the kind of reaction a vagina shaped air hole adorning the top of the corned beef pie would get, but thought it best to keep this one clean)



Well I was a little dubious about these, knowing that several of the ingredients needed substituting. The biggest was the feta cheese, LUCKILY Violife have brought out grey style cheese which I used. Normally I have a huge sweet tooth, so the idea of a savoury style scone has always left me feeling a little uneasy.

These however tickled my fancy due to the olives and sun dried tomatoes, so had to give them ago. Again, another easy recipe, I'm not one for overly complicated cooking, after all It is gone in five minutes and you only go & shit it out later. So Ideally you want to it be wholesome, tasty and not take an age to make.

The cheese used, was surprisingly tasty (obviously I had to sample some before it went into the mix- quality control and all that) The down side and one I wasn't fully expecting, was the appearance & texture AFTER they had been baked. If you have heard of the term 'Soggy biscuit' well this is exactly what it resembles. For those of you not enlightened to what a soggy biscuit it is, basically it is a biscuit covered in a man or men's ejaculate.....

Whilst this is highly off putting and a further nail into me not liking things I normally associate with as sweet. I was incredibly surprised at how amazing the scones actually are, Like seriously good. These will definitely be made again, once I can get the idea of the cheese resembling Jizz out of my head. (It didn't help that there was a blob of the melted cheese that plopped onto the counter under the cooling rack. when I went to wipe it up with my finger, It was still very liquidly and I stupidly decided to stick it in my mouth.... It was cold, salty and well you get the picture)


I hope you have enjoyed reading this, It is time to now go and delve face first into today's creations and plan what will be on the menu for Chris coming home.

Yours stylishly,

Master Dandy

#food #homemade #cooking #baking


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